followtheblackrabbit | After Aather!

[yes I'm glad you did!!]

[huffssss, leaning heavily into Gil's hand]

It's always going to hurt to have someone taunt you with something you can't have. Mirage should have realized that.

But that isn't the way for you and it won't be the way for Vincent either. Really, no one's changing the past anymore. That never worked out anyway. You've been happy with him the way he is now, haven't you?

[his voice gets more rambly; with the command to keep talking he just keeps talking, and he's so tired]

Yeah... I told him that...

It's just so damn hard. And we're always making it harder, he's making it harder, but with all that's happened--! Th... there's good, too, we're so much better than before... It just... hurt. Yesterday. It really hurt. There was just nothing to do. There's so much he's doing and trying because of me. He wants to be dead and I was supposed to give him that and instead I'd rather damn the world, yell at him whenever he threatens someone...

All of this, because I stubbornly, selfishly... won't let go. Of this life with you, or of him. I... have this incredible happiness, and he doesn't, not yet.

S... so when a beast cut me down I just let it.

[forget the rest of what you said, it's the last part that sticks]

Gil . . .

[orz]

[I am so many levels of mad and upset and sad with you right now Gilbert Nightray]

You—so just what is stubbornly letting yourself die supposed to accomplish? Don't you think that hurts him too? Does that make it any easier? Lelouch and I are both right here, Gil!

[his throat closes up]

I... I know, I know... I... it was nothing but selfish self-satisfaction...!

[uugh uugh huffs and flops down, burying his face in Gil's shoulder]

Vincent isn't the only one who's trying, you've said that yourself. If you're going to support him then you need someone to support you as well.

You do... I... shouldn't be so pathetic that you need to listen to the likes of this, deal with this...!

[PINCHES HIS CHEEK HARD]

Were you even listening to a word I just said?

[ahaaowwww]

I--! Y-yes! But I-- but this...!

[sits up to look him in the eye, catching his face in both hands]

Do you think I'd rather have this or you letting yourself selfishly die so you can carry everything by yourself?

[f-frozen.]

. . . .

Aren't you the one who told me to value myself more? Didn't I tell you that no matter what was worrying you I'd listen? It doesn't matter if it's pathetic or Vincent or anything else! You're a part of my happiness just as much as I'm a part of yours, so if I'm going to support you then let me support you!